I have over the years discovered that some sexuality habits have been the bedrock to good sexual relationships and many wise couples have adopted them to the advantage of their unions. When you deliberately make these a reality, your marriage will not lack sexual flavour also.
During sex, pay passionate attention to your spouse. In the moments of lovemaking, there is nothing more important than your eyes, your lips, and spouse’s. The best sex happens when the world falls away, and you are the only two beings that matter. And when the world really does fall away, you’ll be one being, delighting in each other’s bodies, minds, and souls. Remember there is always a place for everything and everything must be in place. Passion has its place which is clean and uncluttered. The sheets are fresh. The pillows are plump. The laundry is inviting. If you are or your spouse is a lover of music, let it be pleasant, spicy, slow or hot, either in your bedroom, where the door is locked, or where every other person including the children have been sorted out. So, your hearts can open fully to each other.
However, do not limit your place of passion to the bedroom. Passion can take place in the living room, the kitchen, the pantry, the backyard, the holiday inn, wherever you and your lover connect. Be playful, sometimes sex can be serious if you are making love for the first time after a stressful period, or when you’re just not in the mood. Make a funny sound, stick out your tongue to tease your lover and make sure your lovemaking expresses your feelings. Love without feeling becomes mechanical over time. If you focus on technique instead of feelings, you can feel good, but you may not feel close. You may feel turned on, but you may not feel passion. Remind yourself why you are with your married lover, what makes you care about him or her.
Don’t ever forget that innovation/ novelty is a basic aphrodisiac for passion; libidinal desire ignites when the mind is curious. The excitement of new challenges, flowing into the old and leading into new pathways of ecstasy can be overwhelming. When your sexual script gets tired and desire fades, trying new ways to delight each other can amplify your appetite and your partner’s.
Simple changes can be stimulating, too. Try a new room, a new fragrance, or try a new touch, a new kiss, a new endearment, a new family planning method. Don’t ever undermine the power of good health.
Be Healthy; strength, stamina and flexibility, all enhance the passionate experience. Most people don’t give their sexual health any thought, but passion is in part dependent on how you take care of your body. For men, your fitness affects your erections. When you work out, your body may create more testosterone. Your heart and vascular system are healthier, too, preserving erectile function. For women, your fitness affects your hormonal balance and mood. When you are stressed, your body produces too much cortisol, which affects oestrogen. Fitness also improves serotonin which picks up mood. So fitness is good for your “love muscles.” You’d be amazed what simply losing five per cent of your body weight will do for all of these. You’ll have more energy for lovemaking. You’ll feel better about your body because there is a connection between diet and sex. So, make eating fresh, healthy foods a passion and discover new depths to your enjoyment. Be clean; never be too lazy to get up and brush your teeth, shave, shower, use fragrance to the taste of your spouse, watch out for little sharp things like unkempt fingernails. Be smooth, be touchable and flirtatious.
Like so many things that give rise to passion, lovemaking starts long before you end up in the bedroom. Saying something that only your partner would understand, placing your hand in an unexpected spot on your partner’s body, or looking into his or her eyes with fire can all signal your desire. Everyone loves to be wanted. Flirting lets your partner know just how much. If you want to receive, be willing to give; show interest and be interesting. Passion goes beyond what happens in the bedroom. It starts with what goes on between your ears. Be a good conversationalist and a better listener. Read, listen to current romantic movies, go to new joints in town together, try a new sport or get more involved in one of your partner’s passions. Make sure that whenever you want to say something, it is something valuable. This will make your partner want to be with you, close enough to hear it. The power of passion arises from sharing; the give and take in any relationship is the basis for its sweetness. If there is a way you want to be touched, let your partner know. Then be sure to touch your partner in the way they want to be touched, or kissed, or licked…
Questions and Answers
Caught in the act by my 6 years old
How do I decently explain to a six-year old boy who caught my wife and I in the very act of lovemaking? He did not only catch us but he stayed and watched us till only God knows how long. And this particular day, my wife insisted we should watch some sex movies. Honestly, I felt as if I have failed the boy as a father. Because right after that, he has been asking some funny questions and behaving strange with his younger sister. My fear is that I am not so certain how long he has been sneaking on us or what has been going on between him and his three years old sister. What do I do? And how do I address this issue?
Confused father
Getting caught during a delicate lovemaking moment is a common phenomenon. Many times, couples think they have created enough privacy and think they are alone. When a younger child below the age of three catches parents in the very act, they may interpret sexual situations as Mommy and Daddy fighting. So, it’s important to quickly let your child know that you are not fighting but playing and thereafter make sure all doors are under lock and key.
But older children from age five or six upwards may have more clues into what’s going on and their response is largely determined by their level of sexual exposure and sex education you have provided and your general approach to family issues. So depending on their response, you may just calmly say you were showing your love for each other, that he would understand better when he grew up. Or use that opportunity to start off sex education. As much as you may feel guilty, the deed has been done already. All you need to do is rectify it and not get things mixed up.
Does oral sex on a lady lead to infection?
Does oral sex lead to vaginal infection? I am a very clean and neat fellow; neat and clean to a fault but I am confused each time my husband goes down into me with his mouth, I always get infected with this particular toilet disease. I am over 40 years and I have been to the pharmacy over and over and each time I am infected again and again. I experience itching in my vagina, burning feeling, soreness, and pain during sex and while urination, and a thick, white, irritating vaginal discharge always comes out. I am wondering if this is an STD or he has a bad infection or what?
Chinua Ike
It may likely be yeasts. Most yeast infections are caused by an overgrowth of the Candida albicans fungus. It’s usually present in the vagina and is normally found in the mouth, digestive tract and on the skin and can overgrow in certain conditions. There is a high possibility of you getting infected and re-infected especially during oral sex because your husband’s mouth also harbours a degree of Candida albicans fungus. If you have a vaginal yeast infection, you’re most likely to experience itching in the vaginal area. Other symptoms include a burning sensation, soreness, pain during intercourse and/or during urination, and a thick, white, vaginal discharge. Vaginal yeast infections are caused by bacteria. A vaginal yeast infection isn’t considered a sexually transmitted infection, but about 12 to 15 per cent of men get an itchy rash on the penis after unprotected sex with an infected woman. Uncircumcised men have a greater risk of developing a rash. I will not subscribe to you purchasing over the counter drugs if you suspect you have a yeast infection. I advise you see a doctor. Your symptoms could be something else, and not getting proper treatment can lead to potentially serious complications. Ask your doctor before treating yourself for a yeast infection if you are pregnant, have never been diagnosed with a yeast infection, or get recurrent yeast infections. Most doctors recommend that women not douche at all. Douching changes the acidity level of the vagina and the balance of organisms that live in it. This may give easy access to yeast infection. Wash only the outside of the vagina with warm water and mild soap.
You can reduce your chances of getting a yeast infection by wearing cotton panties, which are cooler than synthetic panties and won’t trap sweat; avoid feminine sprays, which can be irritating. Frequently change your pads during your period and avoid tight panties and jeans. Certain medications¬ including birth control pills, some antibiotics, and steroids can change the acidic balance of the vagina and encourage the growth of yeast, which can lead to a vaginal infection. Since you are over 40 years old, there may be a possibility that you are in your pre-menopause. Menopause causes hormonal changes, which can affect the balance of yeast or bacteria in the vagina and lead to a yeast infection. Recurrent yeast infections may be related to other medical conditions, such as diabetes or HIV, and may require a doctor’s care.
Do men develop breast cancer too?
I have been experiencing pain in my breast lately and a friend suggests I go for a breast examination, saying that men also develop breast cancer.
Jimmy Johnson
While it is rare, breast cancer does occur in men and is often diagnosed at a later age and stage than in women, say some experts. It can strike at any age, but it is most often diagnosed among men at ages 60 to 70. However, breast cancer in men accounts for only 1 per cent of all breast cancer cases and there is little research into its treatments. And most men with breast cancer have painless lumps that can be detected by touch, but the disease usually isn’t diagnosed until they develop soreness.
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